I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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