I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
