He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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