he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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