I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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