based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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