You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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