I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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