I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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