Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize