I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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