just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
