Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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