Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize