You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
