my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
