Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
