I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
