he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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