Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize