Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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