Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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