ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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