what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
