you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
