Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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