Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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