i used baking grease as lip gloss
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
