Betty ford says i'm here all night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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