i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
