He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
