so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
