franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
