He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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