I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
