how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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