I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
