the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
