Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
