New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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