I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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