Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
