So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
