Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
soo... how was my night?
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