You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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