I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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