Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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