Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
