The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
