i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
