Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
