Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My penis needs a shock collar
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
