if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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