Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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