OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
