I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We had sex on a dog bed..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
