if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
