I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There's even glitter on my cock...
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