I met the friendliest cop last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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