I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
