theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you would pick up someone in the library
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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