the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
