Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
