the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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