Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
