More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.