Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF