He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions