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He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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