Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.