I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?