Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Vodka?
Forever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
