i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
