if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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