i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
