You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
