dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
