ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
