It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
