Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
