Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
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I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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